A Fox in My Brain
“When you asked if you were bipolar, she was looking for a wolf, so she wasn’t going to find a fox.”
In her graphic memoir, A Fox in My Brain, Lou Lubie explores her experience with and diagnosis of cyclothymia bipolar disorder. After a depressive episode in high school, Lubie experienced drastic and confusing shifts in mood and energy. Therapists and others in her life often dismissed her concerns about her depression, saying that she was too young to be really depressed and that it will pass on its own. It was years before therapists took her concerns seriously, and she was able to find treatments and medications to help reign in the fox in her brain.
It would be difficult to discuss the illustrations and story separately. Lubie illustrates the book in a palette limited to shades of bright orange and gray. The simplified palate and illustrations help to highlight the personification of her shifts in mood and energy. Some of my favorite personifications are early in her depression, with swallowed pills dispersing a shadow of depression and in another depressive roots clinging to her while she attempts to pull it out. As the story progresses, her depression is more often illustrated as a menacing shadow with sharp eyes and teeth bearing down on her. It isn’t until a therapist starts to ask about her non-depressive moods when she is full of energy and feels invincible, that an orange fox starts to peep into the illustrations.
After talking with the therapists and a little digging on the internet, she came across the term cyclothymia, a temperament characterized by mood swings. It is at this point that she notices the fox in her brain. A mischievous (sometimes cute) creature with a dark side. Cyclothymia isn’t a disorder, but can become one when fed with stress, exhaustion, trauma, and in Lubie’s case, possibly antidepressants (which can trigger manic episodes). When classified as a disorder, it is considered a lesser form of Bipolar I or II. In the book at one point, she describes it as Bipolar II ½. Rather than the extreme and often long-lasting shifts of Bipolar I and II, bipolarity with cyclothymia is characterized by more frequent shifts. The moods exceed the typical, and can sometimes be triggered more easily than those with more drastic bipolar disorders.
Lubie’s diagnosis brought about insights into herself and her relationships with others, including friends and her boyfriend. Naming the fox in her brain, also aided in her ability to manage it. She began to see and acknowledge that the fox was there, and learned to feed it with moments of novelty while also keeping it on a leash. Cognitive Behavior Therapy combined with medication gave her back control of her life. Interspersed throughout her story are informative asides about the nature of depression, bipolarity, cyclothymia, and associated treatments, and she ends the book with letters from others experiencing this condition, offering her advice and validation.
There were a few frustrating moments in her informational asides with some fatphobia. While concerning, I think that the book as a whole is so powerful, well-written, and potentially validating, I can forgive those missteps. I am not a therapist, nor do I have a bipolar diagnosis, so I can’t speak directly to the accuracy of the information about the disorder and management. According to a letter in the end pages, she wrote this under the supervision of a therapist, to help provide the best information about cyclothymia bipolar disorder. She also notes that this book cannot take the place of a diagnosis or advice from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist.
Lubie suffers from suicidal ideation and is at one point voluntarily hospitalized for it. She personifies her suicidal thoughts through conversations with the grim reaper in the shadowy depths of a body of water. This could be triggering for some, and definitely worth noting when considering for purchase. However, I think it is a great exploration of a difficult topic, written in a way that is informative to anyone with or without bipolar disorders, and validating for those who do. This will be purchased for my high school collection, and I believe that many students will resonate with a story about struggling to identify and manage mental health.
A Fox in My Brain
By Lou Lubie
FairSquare Comics, 2024
ISBN: 9781960171108
Publisher Age Rating: 13-18
NFNT Age Recommendation: Older Teen (16-18), Teen (13-16)
Creator Representation: French, Bipolar
Character Representation: French, Bipolar
