In mid-90s Paris, eighteen-year-old Nina is struggling to find her path. The daughter of a Black Muslim from Gambia and a Polish Jewish woman whose family narrowly escaped the Holocaust, Nina feels out of place almost everywhere: the university she attends, the parties thrown by fellow students, and definitely her ballet classes, where she is told “You’re a great dancer, but Sleeping Beauty is not Black.” When her ballet teacher suggests that she is not a good fit because “the corps de ballet must appear uniform,” Nina quits, feeling more adrift and rejected than ever. But when she discovers track and field – and a coach who says she has great potential as a runner—Nina is intrigued. She’s also intrigued by Jackson, a handsome runner on the team.
Nina joins the team, works hard, and soon qualifies for the regional championships. Finally, people are celebrating her accomplishments. But then things take a turn: three other athletes sexually assault Nina in the locker room after the championships. She doesn’t tell anyone, but the trauma eats at her. Meanwhile her crush, Jackson, keeps giving her mixed messages. Nina starts smoking and drinking, getting into trouble at school and on the running team. Her family, her best friend, and the running team’s sympathetic doctor are worried. Can Nina find her way through these challenges to a bright future?
This book is an adaptation of a semi-autobiographical novel. The author, Rachel Khan, shares Nina’s heritage and went from classical dance to track and field at about Nina’s age. In a forward to the graphic novel, Khan calls it a coming of age story about trying to find your way when you “don’t look like anyone around” and are deeply aware of the “weighty history” of your family.
While the running element adds interest, the real focus is Nina’s emotional life. As the book goes on, she speaks out more: she snaps at her racially insensitive professor, argues with her running coach, and tells off a classmate for seeing her as “exotic.” Though her anger is usually justified—after all, she faces problems as serious as racism and sexual violence – she sometimes has reactions that may feel odd or surprising to readers. For instance, when the running team’s doctor admonishes her for using drugs, she responds “I don’t need any lectures from you, Karim. My father is the child of slaves who was then adopted. So I could care less about your team and its stupid honor.” In this case, even the doctor pushes back, asking “What’s that got to do with your getting high”.
Despite her struggles, Nina has good things going for her. She adores her family and her Jewish religious community. She has a supportive best friend and, by the end of the book, a new romance. Her success on the track also boosts her self-esteem and helps her finally feel like she belongs.
The scene when three other athletes sexually assault Nina is not explicit, nor does she ever recount the incident on the page, but readers see her trauma and physical injuries. The book has a little other violence, like pushing and hitting between Nina and a running team rival, and some swearing. There is no nudity, and nothing more intimate than a couple of kisses. Nina reflects on and discusses religion and race, which both feature heavily in her experiences.
The artwork is a simple but expressive cartoon style. The characters are dynamic and distinctive. There is a wide variety of settings: Nina’s home, her school, the track, and more. Some are drawn with detail and interest, while others are sketched in and simplified, keeping them firmly in the background. The color scheme supports the mood and feel of different scenes: cozy neutrals in Nina’s family home, sunny brights when she runs on the track, and so on.
Nina’s experience—drawn from the author’s own—will resonate with some readers and perhaps be illuminating for others. Though it is fictionalized, the book may appeal to fans of memoirs.
I Run to Make My Heart Beat
By Rachel Khan
Art by Aude Massot
FairSquare Comics, 2024
ISBN: 9781960171054
Related media: Book to Comic
NFNT Age Recommendation: Adult (18+)
Creator Representation: French, Gambian, ,
Character Representation: French, Gambian, Jewish ,
